It is never easy to discuss assisted living or nursing home options with your aging parents. In fact, it may be one of the most difficult conversations that you will ever have with them. No child wishes to see the day when they are left with few alternatives other than assisted living options, but the day may arise when you will need to have this talk. Talking to your parents about assisted living can help them to understand the concerns that you have and why living in an alternative arrangement may be what’s best for them. It is important to never talk to them like they are children, and to research the options that they have available to them before beginning your discussion. You might also want to bring a supportive adult with you for moral support during your talk, such as a sibling or your spouse.

Discussing the Benefits

It is important to point out to your aging parent up front how hard the discussion is for you. Let them know that you in are in no way trying to be “rid” of them, but that an assisted living facility is better equipped to meet the needs that they might have now, and in the future, especially if your parent has a debilitating condition or disease. Assisted living facilities have nurses and doctors that are on call around the clock to assist your parent when they need them. In addition, they will get help with daily living activities that they are struggling with, like dressing, cleaning, laundry and other chores. And they will not feel as isolated as they might be feeling right now because there are tons of activities to keep them entertained and active while they are in the facility. Pick up some brochures to use as visual aids while discussing the positive aspects of assisted living. Your parent may not be receptive to the idea at all, but be prepared with the answers to questions that they might have, like the cost of the facility, the size of the rooms or suites, and more. Offer to take the parent for a tour of the facility. Visiting the assisted living facility with your loved one can help them to better understand what it is like to live in that kind of arrangement.

Negative Stigma of Assisted Living Facilities

Your parent may be concerned (and you may be as well) about the reports that are always cropping up about assisted living facilities in general, and about nursing homes in particular. It is important that you are prepared to discuss these negative stigmas with your parent as well. The government and each state set standards that all facilities must follow, and more has been done in recent years to prevent elderly people from being abused at the hands of those who are paid to care for them. However, it is not possible to get rid of all the “bad apples”, but you can certainly research each facility thoroughly beforehand and have a background check of the facility in hand when talking to your parent about safety issues. This also shows your parent that you would not trust their care to “just anyone”. In fact, each state has a governmental department that is charged with evaluating these types of facilities, and carries out early inspections of these facilities on a regular basis. A record of deficiencies is made available to the public upon request to the state’s Department of Health.

When Parents Don’t Agree on Assisted Living

The important thing is to keep the lines of communication open when discussing assisted living with your parents. This reversal of roles is hard for many aging parents to understand and deal with, but in the end, you can reach a workable solution that both of you can live with. In the case of parents who have become mentally debilitated to the point that making decisions of this nature is not possible, you will need a power of attorney in order to make the move for them, so contacting an attorney beforehand is your best option in this instance. And remember not to be too hard on yourself. If you have weighed all of your options and there is no other alternative, doing what is best for your parent’s well-being is all that is important.